Have you Felt God’s Intervention In Your Life?

What seems like tragedy can often be God’s gift to your ignorance of what’s to come in your life. I know. I am the blessed recipient of God’s intervention many times in my life. But most recently it was two related tragic events, 1 month apart from the other, that enabled me to be a home owner and a happily married man.

In 2016 I was starting a year for the first time in 30 years as a single man, having divorced a wife who had changed so drastically from the woman I married that she was hardly recognizable, and proved no longer trustworthy or deserving of my respect. The revelation of these many facts that allowed me to write the previous sentence devastated me. I was lonely, depressed and scared. But through my re-found devotion to God and the confidence, or hope, that he would find grace with me I pressed on and tried to begin a new life by embracing the things I loved most.

One of those things I have always done and always loved was camping and all that’s associated with it, the fishing, hiking, hunting, camp fires, etc.

Michael Schuett in a river

The Author hooking something

In my previous marriage we had over the course of the years some camper trailers that made the outdoors more palatable for my family, and I have to admit, for myself as well.

So in starting my new life I committed to getting a new camper trailer. This goal I successfully accomplished in April 2016. It was one of the few happy events in my life over the previous 3 years; and I was excited to take it out. On July 4th weekend the trailer, my then girlfriend, and my teen daughter traveled to Leavenworth, WA for a five day weekend with friends. Only, we wouldn’t make it to five days. We didn’t make it through 3 days.

In the early morning of the third day I woke to take my dog for a walk. My girlfriend got up and out of the trailer to visit the showers at the camp grounds where we stayed. In returning from my 10 minute walk and coming back into the park’s camping area I saw a large plume of smoke just out of my site. It took me a moment to realize the smoke was a fire in a camper. It took me another moment to realize the camper was MINE! OMG- my daughter was in the trailer!!! My heart raced. In my oversized flip-flops I began running. My 100 lbs labrador retriever, who was never particularly good on a leash, wanted to play and tugged on the leash to go the other way. I immediately dropped the leash to let my dog fend for himself. I had to get to my daughter. The flip flops didn’t help my speed, and I soon ran out of them and made my way over the dirt and gravel road in my bare feet. I arrived at the flaming trailer just as some stranger was emerging from the smoke billowing from the trailer’s only door with my daughter in tow. Thank God she was safe. It seemed like hours but was probably more like 10 minutes, fellow campers and I used hoses and fire extinguishers to dose the flames. The trailer was a total loss.

Once again I was crushed. Fast forward four weeks. I was determined to get back on my feet and get my new life started as I wanted it to get started, with a trailer and with frequent camping trips. But, God had different plans for me. I had to wrangle with my insurance company for a fair settlement on the burnt up trailer. But upon receiving that settlement check immediate found a brand new trailer to purchase with it. The insurance settlement would go for the down payment, and I would finance the remaining balance. I had ordered some special accessories for the new trailer, so had to wait for their installation before picking up my new treasure. It was all set. And I was again looking forward to better days.

Then on the morning I had scheduled to drive to the trailer dealer and pick-up my huge expenditure; my truck died. I was on the side of the road, gritting my teeth, and knowing my dreams had once again been dashed. I knew it was the trucks transmission. And I knew how expensive it’s replacement would be. For those who have never experienced the joy of replacing a transmission on a heavy duty, 4-wheel drive truck, its a lot more expensive than replacing a standard transmission in a car. Where a car’s transmission can often be replaced for under $2000. For my truck, including some other minor repairs that were necessary, came to over $5000. I called the trailer dealer late in the day after getting the initial dark estimates from my repair garage and told them I couldn’t purchase the trailer. God clearly didn’t want me to have a trailer, at least not at this time.

If you haven’t been trough it, divorce can be devastating to an individual’s financial well-being. Such was the case with me. Besides losing half of everything I/we owned and tens-of-thousands of dollars, I also had my credit rating severely damaged by a wife who liked credit cards and liked them so much she never bothered to tell her husband (me). I mentioned this because while severely hurt by the divorce I wasn’t destitute. And I had hopes of buying a new home. But I was under the impression that I would have to wait four years or longer to repair my credit and distance myself from my ex-wife’s atrocious spending habits. However, I was wrong. Some two weeks after my truck’s transmission collapse had destroyed my efforts to own a camper trailer I had a chance meeting with an old acquaintance who happened to be a mortgage agent. After relaying some of my tough circumstances he assured me that he could get me a mortgage; though I still needed to wait a few months, but not a few years.

To wrap up this story, I got my mortgage and my house in April 2017. Based on my mortgage agent’s opinion the closeness of my divorce, and damaged credit made my mortgage a 9 out of 10 in terms of difficulty for approval. And most important had I the debt of the trailer purchase not to mention the added insurance expense and trip/vacation expenditures I never would have had the money or the credit rating to get my home. You see, my insurance settlement covered the $5000 repair…but I had some left over. The few thousand left over from my insurance settlement would be all the cash I had remaining in my bank account upon closing of my house.

It didn’t occur to me for some months after moving into my home the circumstances that had strangely twisted tragedy into benefit for me. The fire and the transmission were both unexpected and both in combination were REQUIRED for me to be a home owner. And through God’s intervention I was independently stable, in my own home, and in being so comfortable asked my girlfriend to become my wife. And BTW- my wife and I hope to have a new trailer by this coming Summer.

Perspective. Use it. Or lose it. Thank you Lord for your many blessings.

Total Broadcasting Service

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Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spady, Suicide and Depression

Click here for the Suicide Prevention Lifeline

I am once again faced with the sadness of reading about a famous person’s depression and suicide. Like so many others I woke this morning to read of and hear about the tragic death in Paris, France of Chef and CNN show host Anthony Bourdain.

I watched his show maybe once, ever. But knew of him through interviews and commercials. Its not my knowledge of his death that saddens me. Its the suicide. Along with the death earlier this week of fashion designer Kate Spady we are all reminded of how fame, fortune, and accomplishment are not enough to fend off the terrible grips depression can have on people. It’s power can feel overwhelming. And it can take lives leaving behind a wake of incomprehensible grief for those who knew the deceased. As in the examples of Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spady, Tyler Hilinski in January, and Robin Williams a few years ago; one doesn’t need to personally know someone to be effected.

I have never attempted suicide. I have thought about it.

The betrayal of my ex-wife and the associated circumstances that lead to our divorce after 28 years of marriage caused me to fall into an almost deadly depression. For nearly 2 years I struggled to make it through each day. I cried every day. It got so bad that crying become a necessary comfort. I remember times when if it got late in the day and I realized I hadn’t cried that day, I would make myself cry because I felt I had to cry to feel normal. The will to continue living is weakened in such circumstances. The will to end it and stop the pain grows. Obviously for some ending it all becomes the solution they see as their only option. I felt that way, way to often. It’s frightening to think back on those times now.

If I could say anything to help those suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts it would be these two things. Not all people care about you. But some do. Some do very much. The other thing is that you can find salvation, literally, through God, the Lord Jesus Christ.

When I discovered my ex-wife’s cheating and she confessed it and then all the lies and false and incomplete stories came to light I knew right away I would need help. I knew the feelings in me were too strong and too destructive to try and cope on my own. After meeting with and rejecting several counselors and counseling services I turned to my church. My church provided a counseling service I had previously never known about. It provided me a new friend and sound wisdom in the face of irresponsibility and illogical behavior I was faced with every day.

I prayed every day. I read the Bible. I read lots of books. Most of the books I read were self-help books or biographies of successful people I admired. Not surprisingly I kept finding in these books a recurring theme. God was at the center of many people’s success. So, while I always felt I led a good life and believed in Christ; I made a more deliberate effort to pray, read the Bible and eliminate from my character and my behaviors things that were in conflict with God’s teachings. I am also not ashamed to admit reading the Bible and studying it taught me how to accomplish so much more in life and in my relationships. While I had led a good life. I was still doing much wrong, that I didn’t realize. I’ve done much better since. I will continue to improve.

The other thing about depression is that friends and family tire of your depressed state. Initially you can find all the support you can handle. Everyone has a sympathetic ear and kind words of wisdom and support. But as your depression lingers or if it goes away and returns many of these same people ostracize you. They stay away. They no longer want to be part of your problems. You have worn them out.

It’s easy to understand, to a point. Nobody wants to be around a sad person all the time. This sad or depressed person can bring you down and effect your own life. But, there is a difference between a negative person who is always grumbling and having a glass is half-empty view on life versus someone who is depressed. If you are the friend or family member of someone who is depressed, I urge you to hang in there. Don’t turn away from them. And realize you can positively change their life for the better. The perpetually negative half-empty glass type of person is someone you want to avoid. But the depressed person can be helped. If you were there for them at the start of their depression. Be there at the end. You and they will reap the rewards of a closer relationship in the future.

I lost friends and family through my depression. They are gone now and probably don’t care that I have rebounded and am a happy person again. I have found love. And while I now know that falling back into the spiral of depression is something I am susceptible to doing, I am wiser for having come through it and can fend it off on the occasions when it creeps back into my conscious.

So help those that you can. Share God’s word. And if you are suffering yourself be proactive in combatting your depression. Take steps. The pain can go away and happiness can be your end story.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is: 1-800-273-8255

 

Teddy Roosevelt and Overcoming Depression

Ken Burns has done it again. The King of PBS documentary programing has produced another historic series worth anyone’s time who value’s United States history. The Roosevelts ranks with Burns other classic creations which include Baseball, Jazz, The National Parks, and others. I’ve enjoyed watching it this week and encourage those who have missed it to look for it on-demand or DVD in the future. It tells the biographical story of America’s 26th President Theodore Roosevelt, America’s 32nd President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and FDR’s wife and cousin Eleanor Roosevelt (who had the fortuitous opportunity to maintain her maiden name after marrying). I’ve read several biographies on Theodore Roosevelt and consider him a true American Hero.

In two years in the west Roosevelt worked relentlessly to escape depression.

In two years in the west Roosevelt worked relentlessly to escape depression.

A statement in the second episode of the program struck home and I felt was worth sharing for those like me, and like Teddy Roosevelt who have faced great disappointment or tragedy that led them to despair and depression. Unknowingly, in my own experience, I have done as TR did and am repeating the rewards. While my rewards are not on the scale of what he did I can’t help but believe in his and mine own and many others stories there are lessons to be learned.

Teddy-Roosevelt-Was-the-Toughest-Person-Ever

On Valentine’s Day, February 14th (my birthday), in 1884 Roosevelt’s first wife and his mother died in the same house on the same day. Alice Lee died only two days after giving birth to Roosevelt’s oldest child, Alice. Alice Lee and Theodore had been married four years and a loving couple since their youth. Roosevelt, though only 26 years old, was already making a name for himself in the New York State legislature. His wife’s death devastated him. He wrote that “…the light has gone out of my life.” He was so incapable of dealing with the grief he ordered those around him to never speak Alice Lee’s name ever again. If he ever did himself, its unknown to historians.

Rather than wallow in despair and depression the energetic TR decided to dramatically change his life. He decided to get busy. Roosevelt left the legislature and left the East Coast. He took himself to the Badlands in Dakota Territory and set out to be a Cowboy, Sheriff, rancher, and big game hunter. He did all those things, and mastered them, having never even attempted being such an outdoorsman at any time prior to the death of Alice Lee. Roosevelt was a New Yorker and raised in privilege. and he had been a weak, sickly child. But his depression from losing the love of his life was so impactful that he escaped that life in favor of a hard life in one of the hardest environments in the country.

During the snowiest winter on record in 1886 nearly all of Roosevelt’s cattle herd perished. Shortly thereafter Roosevelt left the Dakota’s and returned to the East Coast politics and considerably more adventures. His frenetic manner continued until his death in January 1919. As was mentioned in the PBS program Roosevelt said “Action” is the road away from despair and depression. And he fearlessly pursued every challenge ever presented to him. He even sought out those challenges. “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”- TR

In all my life I’d never faced serious depression like I did nearly one year ago. I was devastated and found merely getting through each and every day very difficult. But I pushed through it. At the start of 2014 while at the height of my lethargy I made two statements that have carried me to a place I now know is the pinnacle of great things to come. I said my 9 year old company, Total Broadcasting Service, would have its best year ever and that by the end of the year I would be debt free.

For the first time I hired a business coach, knowing I needed the direction and guidance for my business while my personal life was in disarray. He helped steer me into the things I wanted to do. The coach also asked me every week to do something “courageous”. With each passing week I found my focus easier to come by and my ability to do the hard things, ask the tough questions, make sales appointments, close sales and even volunteer my time became easier and easier.

I also became a voracious reader of books, mostly self-help books. I’ve read more books in the first 9 months of 2014 than any year in my life. I always knew reading was important and beneficial, but I never MADE the time for it, outside of my daily viewing of the Sports page. Each day I fill my mind with good ideas and motivational thoughts from authors who are accomplished in one way or another, one field or another. And I’m a better man for it.

I find myself exhausted at the end of most days. But unlike the time of my worst depression my exhaustion is not caused by emotional energies being spent worrying about what has happened or what might happen. My exhaustion is a good exhaustion earned by “action” and exertion.  I wake at 5:30am and seldom pull the plug on my day’s efforts before 8pm. And when I pull the plug…I’m done.

The good results of my relentless drive were immediate, but not dramatic. I could chart greater income for my company. And I could definitely know my hurt heart and emotional challenges were easing as I focused more and more on what needs to be done right now at this very moment.

The gradual improvement in all things in my life has recently turned into a tidal wave of good fortune. Not even through September Total Broadcasting Service is exploding past our previous revenue records. My home is neater and in good repair and could be argued in better shape and appearance than at any time in my 11 years of living here. 247881_129703920442554_4713491_n I’ve given considerable volunteer time to a great organization called Emergency Feeding Program of Seattle and King County and even applied to be on the non-profit’s Board of Directors, something I expect to be officially named to in a matter of days. My family is happier and healthier because of my efforts. And I now look forward to a future that once scared me, but that I now know holds great promise and opportunity.

Challenges remain in front of me and my despair returns for short periods now and again, but through action, diligent, non-stop daily effort I have followed the example set by Theodore Roosevelt and made my life better. Time will tell if my achievements can be comparatively similar to the ball of energy that was TR. But I honestly expect great things, and that’s half the battle. I would counsel anyone in despair or depression to dive into your work if its work you love. I would advise them to focus on helping others. When you help others you forget about your own troubles and become a problem solver.

Lastly, I honestly belief God see’s our good work and rewards us. He may not reward us right away. But the rewards are coming. I promise.

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Robin Williams’ Death Scared Me

The Dark Tunnel

Depression is insidious. It’s a dark tunnel from which seeing the light is difficult. And when depression grabs you and holds you in its clutches its very hard to escape. When you’re a victim of depression you may find time and again reasons to carry on. But usually you’re only saved by the end of the day, or by a phone call from a friend. Getting through the day becomes the top priority, and a considerable challenge for those with depression. But time and again you do it. Time and again you overcome. And then…the next day comes.

Robin Williams couldn’t get through the day, yesterday. The end of the day or that phone call from a friend never came. He was trapped in his despair as he apparently had been many times in his life. But this time he failed to make it out alive. From what we know about this brilliantly talented man he successfully overcame his demons time and time again. But they kept returning. It’s like he gave us all so much; so much of his energy and his joy that when left to himself he had none left, he had no reservoir from which we all tap into in our souls, our minds, our hearts, our faith. From wherever Robin Williams achieved the self-preservation instinct to check himself into substance abuse rehab repeatedly, including last month, he couldn’t find it yesterday.

Darkness Comes with DepressionFor those like myself who had stared the blackness of depression in the face it represents a particularly scary event. I found myself asking “If this universally loved man can be taken by depression what’s to happen to me if my despair returns?”. And I asked,”If this man feels unloved, insignificant, or in some way a failure…what about me?”

Prior to eight months ago I didn’t know depression or understand it. I thought it was equivalent to sadness, which like everybody else I have experienced many times in my life. I thought depression might just be sadness x 2. It’s not. It’s sadness x 1000. It’s sadness on steroids with a jet rocket pack strapped to its back. It’s not what I thought. It’s so much worse.

When first depression hits many friends and acquaintances are curious and perhaps caring enough to lend an ear. But usually that’s about it. It’s an ear. After the depression lingers even close friends drift away. They don’t understand and they don’t want to be dragged down by the depressed person’s mood, darkness, troubles. It takes the truly compassionate with a degree of understanding to provide assistance. And it takes professional help. Friends too often think a kick in the butt, or a pep talk should be sufficient to help the victim of depression. And when that proves insufficient they move on. A professional has the education and understanding and hopefully the compassion from which help can be supplied.

As I emerge from the darkest period of my life I can thank some truly helpful people. They include a family counselor from my parish, supplied to me and other church members at no cost. She has been a God send for me. I hired a business coach to keep me on-task with my company knowing my personal troubles might make the business falter or even fail. He has been tremendously effective in exactly what I needed from him. A single individual long time friend who has experienced that which I experienced has never failed to be there for me. Unlike so many others…he never faded away. Lastly, my son. He has seemed to sense my challenges, though I never revealed them to him and did my best to protect him from my shadows. His love and compassion, his hugs, and smiles have been beyond what I would have expected from such a young man. I miss him, since he’s out on his own building his own life, tackling his own challenges. But he pops in and never fails to lift my spirits.

Total Broadcasting's Picture/Quote Service is great at improving interactivity between businesses and their customers.

Total Broadcasting’s Picture/Quote Service is great at improving interactivity between businesses and their customers.

I know Robin Williams felt unloved, unsuccessful, insignificant, and as he grew older perhaps he had a fear of his future, of aging. I don’t know specifically. But I know these are the issues that trouble the depressed. Even someone who is as loved and successful as the comedian and actor who blessed our lives for 40 years. But I have turned away from my initial fear. I can’t accept that his fate is my fate. I’m a different person. Unlike him I don’t have a substance abuse problem. I will overcome and live in the moment, for my future is scary. It’s scary because its unknown. But I will climb on that roller coaster and forgo the merry go round.

You can help those who face depression by making them feel significant, accomplished and loved. That’s what they need. And if they need it more than others…so be it. Give it to them. You are never diminished by holding someone up. Know that you are enhanced. And you too are significant and loved.

Total Broadcasting Service. When you want marketing help that you can understand and afford.

Total Broadcasting Service. When you want marketing help that you can understand and afford.

My Depression Might Benefit You

Darkness Comes with Depression

As far too many people know a little over three months ago I fell into a clinically diagnosed deep depression. Events in my life which I couldn’t have anticipated and was totally unprepared for hit me like a boulder rolling down hill. At fifty years of age I can honestly say I never felt so bad for so long. Certainly there have been times in my life where I was sad, possibly even depressed. The death of my father in 2001 comes to mind as a particularly painful time. But there has never been anything remotely close to this. And the silver lining of my story is that I hope and expect to come out the other side of this crisis as a better person.

My depression manifested itself in actual physical pain and sickness. It also resulted in an incredible zapping of my energy level. While normally a high-flying person who’s busy busy busy all day long and well into the evening; I am a high-energy guy; but by 4-5 pm every day I was done, and it was all I could do to make it through the evening to a regular bed time.

I had numerous mental lapses completely uncharacteristic of me. The most dangerous and dramatic occurred when I was in my car at a red light, first in line, and absent mindedly without paying attention I thought the light had turned green and I accelerated through a busy intersection while the light remained red. The week before Christmas I discovered four different accounting errors I had created in both my personal and business checkbooks that could have resulted in hundreds of dollars of overdraft charges and other fees. This is NOT normal behavior for me. I’m exceptionally careful in my accounting practices.

During the worst times I went from crying to anger to crying again daily, even hourly. I cried myself to sleep more than a few times. My self-esteem was zero. I didn’t feel I was any good to any body. And, yes, I had some very dark thoughts. I also slept during the day on a few occasions. Choosing bed over running my company. This is something I NEVER have done before.

The Christmas season and my beloved Seahawks playoff run to a Super Bowl title did little to ease my pain. In fact, the holidays made it much worse. Also making it worse were the frequent cryptic and negative posts I made to Facebook and Twitter. One of my friends and co-workers feared I had cancer and was dying (I don’t have cancer or any potentially fatal disease). I’m embarrassed and regret all these public exposures of my pain. I only hope all my friends will think better of me as I go forward and remember that so much of what I typically posted for public consumption was very positive, at least prior to three months ago.

So much of what I’ve read about depression and my specific circumstances has been spot-on, giving me a much more appreciative view of those in the world of psychology and psychiatry. It was if all their writings were being dictated from my mouth.

Depression will show you who your truest friends are. Initially everyone who knew of my hurt offered words of support and encouragement and advice.

“Hang in there”

“I’m there for ya.”

“Call me any time”

and more…

Over time nearly all those supportive friends tired of my despair and made themselves unavailable. To a large degree its understandable. They’ve got lives to lead. They’ve got problems too. Who wants to spend time with someone who will bring them down with their low and dark mood and their desperate cries for help, advice and support? Nonetheless, I can’t help but note those who weren’t there for me; or even some whose actions were outright hurtful, making my pain worse. It’s shocking how insensitive and uncaring some people were to me. But, at least now I know who can be counted on, or why these tangent friends were never close friends to begin with.

As I move to a more positive and stronger mental state I’ve learned a few things that might help anyone whose life’s storms develop into hurricanes.

1. Get help. I knew right away that I couldn’t deal with my situation without the guidance of a professional to whom I could relay all my fears, anxiety and troubles. I called my church St. Stephens the Martyr Catholic Church and met a well credentialed counselor who has been a bright light in my dark night. I honestly don’t know that I would have survived not having my weekly chats with this person. No not a priest. Though my increased visits to Mass also helped.

2. Keep the specifics about your troubles limited to a relatively small number of only the closest confidants. I didn’t do this. In my despair I revealed far too much to far too many people and ended up retarding my improved health. Too many had bad advice, or no advice. And too many didn’t seem to really care. Worst of all on at least a couple of occasions my private troubles were shared to others to whom I wouldn’t want the information shared by those I trusted to keep their mouths shut. It made me ashamed and further put off the time when I could feel good about myself.

2a. “I never take advice from anyone more messed up than I am.”- Tom Hopkins. Those who want to give you advice often have no business giving advice to anyone based on how messed up their own lives are. It’s OK to talk with those who have “been through it”. But make sure they’ve actually been through it and not someone who’s life doesn’t hold up to admirable levels according to your high standards.

3. When you find yourself obsessing over negative and destructive thoughts do whatever is necessary to stop it. This is something I’ve only recently gotten better at in the past couple weeks. When I start thinking I’m worthless or that I’m a victim or bad thoughts about someone else I now will sternly and firmly say out loud, “STOP IT!“. I’ll repeat it two or three times if necessary, STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU’RE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF! And then I will focus on something else. What that something else is can vary. It may be as inane as how the mesh in a wicker chair is woven. Or it may be about my schedule for the remainder of the week. Try it. But STOP with the negative thoughts.

4. Have a mental place you can go. Real seems to be better than imaginary. But I have both. When I’m needing some peace I close my eyes and see my park, a park I always went to as a teen where I could throw a frisbee for my dog and walk all around green meadows, and gaze at the willow trees. I love willow trees. When I do this my breathing eases and my heart quits pounding.

5. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up. Giving up is what a loser would do. And if you make yourself a loser. You’ll be a loser. And how will that play on your fragile mental condition? As long as you’re trying and pushing forward you are a champion. Remember, it doesn’t matter how fast you’re going. You’re still moving farther and faster than the guy on the couch.

6. Get up and do something. I exercise 5 days per week. My worst days are when I don’t.

7. Give yourself time. Don’t be mad at yourself or your situation if the next day is not a lot better than the previous or if you’re still depressed or lacking energy. I’m a lot better than I was last month. Last month I was a lot better than the month before. Things will get better, especially if you take the necessary steps to make them better.

I have a much more understanding and compassionate feeling for those who have depression now than I did before mine hit me. This writing is therapeutic. It helps me pass along a closed-caption message to friends that I’m going to be all right, even if more pain remains, which it certainly does. But I’m no longer deeply depressed. I have my moments. My evenings are still filled with complete exhaustion. That comes from expending so much emotional energy which is far more taxing than expending physical energy. Physical energy exertion actually energizes you further. I’m speaking from personal experience.

If you haven’t been through what I’ve been through I am certain in saying “You will never understand”. I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone. But the fact is my experience is not singular. One in ten American adults report having depression according to the Center for Disease Control. And if my writing can help any of them now or in the future than I can be glad. And I can also feel a whole lot closer to my own recovery.

Please know. I’ll be all right. I’m getting there. I haven’t quit yet.